Hey everyone,
I've been sitting here thinking about what we've built together, and honestly, my heart is full.
Five years. Five years of sharing stories, of finding calm in this space we've created. It's become so much more than a podcast. It's a refuge. A place where we can all breathe a little easier.
Every message you send, every story you share—it reminds me why we're here. In a world that can feel so disconnected, we've found ways to show up for each other, even through something as simple as a podcast.
Lately, I've been thinking about what you've shared with me. How the world feels more distant. How we're all searching for ways to feel connected, to feel seen, to feel human. And I feel that too. Deeply.
It's made me realize—maybe we can do more together. And I want to be clear about something: The podcast isn't changing. It will always be the same show you know and trust. But I've been dreaming of ways we can deepen this space. Create more moments for the conversations we need.
So today, I want to share something with you. I'm introducing Calm It Down Premium. It's a place where we can gather beyond these weekly episodes. Where you can start your mornings with a quiet affirmation before your feet even hit the floor. Where Sundays become a moment to reset, to ease into the week with a little more intention. A space for guided meditations when you need them, and conversations with guests who bring new perspectives—people who have helped me see things in a whole new way.
It's also a space to simply be. To share life's little wins, the funny, the heartfelt—because sometimes, even a well-timed cat meme can make the day feel a little lighter.
And to make it as seamless as possible, everything is ad-free, with new episodes arriving early—every Sunday instead of Tuesday.
I'm keeping it simple—five dollars a month, with a free trial so you can see if it feels right for you.
But whether you join or simply keep tuning in as you always have—you're what makes this community special. You're why I show up every week.
If you're curious about what we're building, everything's at Calm It Down Premium. Now, let's get into today's episode.
The Good Kind of Selfish
You know that safety briefing on airplanes where they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others? For years, I kind of brushed that off as just another part of the preflight ritual. But recently, that instruction hit differently. I was on a flight, half-listening to the briefing while responding to some work emails, when I caught myself typing "I'll take care of that right away" to yet another request that would eat into my already sparse personal time.
And there it was - that familiar pang of guilt about needing to set boundaries, about wanting to put myself first sometimes. That's when the flight attendant's words really landed: "Secure your own mask before assisting others."
What if that instruction isn’t just about oxygen masks? What if it’s a simple yet powerful reminder that we can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves first?
Today, we're going to explore something that might feel a bit uncomfortable at first - the good kind of selfish. Yes, you heard that right. We're going to challenge the idea that putting yourself first is somehow wrong, and discover how being "selfish" in the right ways can actually make you more present and available for others, not less.
I'm Chad Lawson, and let's Calm it Down in 3...2...1.
When I say the word "selfish," what comes to mind? For many of us, it probably conjures images of someone who takes without giving, who thinks only of themselves with no regard for others. That's certainly one kind of selfish - but it's not the only kind. Just like there's a difference between pride and healthy self-esteem, there's a difference between destructive selfishness and healthy self-care.
Think about it this way: imagine you have a beautiful garden. If you never tend to it, never water it, never give it the nutrients it needs because you're too busy helping everyone else with their gardens, what happens? Eventually, your garden wilts. And when that happens, you not only lose your own source of beauty and nourishment, but you also have less to share with others.
You are that garden. Your energy, your joy, your capacity to give and create and connect - these need tending too. And sometimes, tending to yourself means saying no to others so you can say yes to yourself.
I'd like to invite you to try something with me. Close your eyes if you're in a safe place to do so. Take a deep breath in through your nose, feeling your belly expand...and out through your mouth, letting your shoulders drop. One more time - in through your nose...and out through your mouth.
Now, think of a time recently when you said yes to something you really wanted to say no to. Notice how that memory feels in your body. Is there tension somewhere? A heaviness? A tightness in your chest or jaw? Just observe those sensations without trying to change them.
Now, imagine yourself in that same situation, but this time you lovingly and firmly say no. You choose to honor your own needs. Notice how that feels different in your body. Perhaps there's more spaciousness, more ease. Stay with that feeling for a moment.
Let's open our eyes and bring that awareness with us as we explore what the good kind of selfish looks like in practice.
The first thing to understand is that being healthily selfish isn't about becoming inconsiderate or uncaring. It's about recognizing that you can't pour from an empty cup.
When you're running on fumes, trying to be there for everyone else, you're not actually giving them your best self. You're giving them whatever scraps of energy you have left.
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You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about why this podcast exists. Why I keep showing up week after week. And really—it’s because of you. Because this isn’t just me talking into a microphone. It’s us, creating something together.
And that’s exactly why I started Calm It Down Premium. Not to change what’s here, but to give us more ways to connect. More ways to find stillness. More moments to breathe, to reset, to ease into the week instead of feeling like we’re just bracing for it.
It’s ad-free. It’s early access. It’s guided meditations, morning affirmations, check-ins, and conversations with guests who bring new ways to look at life. And if that sounds like something you need, you can check it out at calmitdown.supercast.com.
No pressure, just an invitation. Either way, I’m just glad you’re here.
Now, let's get back into today's episode.
Here's something I want you to really hear: Taking care of yourself isn't a luxury - it's a responsibility. Just like that oxygen mask on the plane, it's not optional. You're not being selfish when you need to recharge, when you set boundaries, when you say "I need some time for myself." You're being responsible.
But I know - I know - this is easier said than done. The guilt can be real. The fear of letting others down can be overwhelming. So let's talk about practical ways to practice healthy selfishness without letting guilt run the show.
Start small. Maybe it's taking five minutes in the morning just for yourself before checking your phone. Maybe it's learning to say "Let me think about it" instead of an immediate yes. Maybe it's scheduling one activity each week that's purely for your joy, not for anyone else's benefit.
Remember, being selfish in healthy ways isn't about never helping others or never making sacrifices. It's about finding that sweet spot where you're giving from your overflow rather than your reserves. It's about recognizing that when you're truly well-cared for, you have so much more to offer the world.
Here's your challenge for this week: I want you to practice what I call the "pause and check." Before saying yes to any request, pause for at least five seconds. Check in with yourself: Do I really have the energy for this? Am I saying yes out of guilt or obligation? What would it feel like to say no? Then make your decision from that more centered place.
And here's the beautiful thing - as you practice this, you'll likely find that the quality of your yeses improves. When you say yes because you truly want to, not because you feel you should, you bring a different energy to everything you do.
You might be wondering, "But Chad, what about the people who depend on me? What about my responsibilities?" These are valid questions. And yes, there will always be times when we need to put others first. But consider this - what if taking care of yourself actually makes you better at taking care of others? What if by being "selfish" in the right ways, you become more patient, more present, more capable of showing up fully when it really matters?
As we wrap up, let's return to that airplane safety briefing. There's a reason they tell us to put our own mask on first - because if we pass out from lack of oxygen, we can't help anyone else. The same principle applies to life. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's necessary. It's not just about you; it's about being able to show up fully for all the people and causes you care about.
So the next time you feel guilty for needing to put yourself first, remember: You're not being selfish - you're putting on your oxygen mask. You're tending to your garden so it can continue to grow and bloom and share its beauty with the world.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for living. And until next time, be kind to your mind, and join me again as we Calm it Down.
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Before you go, I just want to take a second to say thank you. For being part of this. For making this space what it is.
This podcast started as a way to offer a moment of stillness. A place to breathe, to step away from the noise. And now, with Calm It Down Premium, we’re building on that—creating a space where we can connect even more. Morning affirmations, Sunday check-ins, guided meditations, ad-free episodes, and just… more room to be human together.
If you want to be part of that, you can check it out at calmitdown.supercast.com. And if not? That’s okay too. Just knowing you’re here, listening, showing up—that means everything.
Take care, and I’ll see you next time.
Summary
Do you feel guilty every time you put yourself first? Like you're somehow being selfish when you say "no" to others to say "yes" to yourself? It's time to reframe what being "selfish" really means. Just like putting on your own oxygen mask first in an airplane emergency, taking care of yourself isn't optional – it's essential. Discover how healthy boundaries and self-care actually make you more available to others as we Calm it Down in 3...2...1.
