Opening
You know those Russian nesting dolls? The ones where you open up the biggest doll and find another one inside, then another, and another? Many years ago, while performing in Russia, I found a set and recently came across them again. As I kept opening each doll, getting to smaller and smaller versions, I had an interesting thought: we're kind of like these dolls, aren't we?
On the outside, we've painted ourselves with bright colors—but instead of paint, it’s been our achievements, titles, and roles. The promotion we just got. The marathon we ran. The perfect parent we try to be. These things become our showpiece, what we present to the world. But what happens when we start opening up those layers? What's at the very center, in that tiny, solid doll that can't be opened anymore?
The other day, I was speaking with someone I know and love dearly—someone who had achieved more than most could imagine professionally. Certifications, awards, accolades—the kind of success many only dream of. But what struck me most was that they walked away from it all. Not because they failed. Not because they had no more to give. But because they realized the most valuable thing in their life wasn’t in the titles or the admiration of the world.
It was in the time spent with family.
And it made me wonder—how much of who we are is tangled up in what we do? If the applause stopped tomorrow, who would we be? Would we still recognize ourselves?
I’m Chad Lawson, and let’s Calm It Down in 3…2…1.
The Illusion of Identity Through Success
From the time we’re young, we’re given labels. Student. Athlete. Musician. Doctor. CEO. We wear them like name tags, a shortcut for people to understand who we are. And what’s one of the first questions we ask someone new? "So, what do you do?"
And after years of building, striving, and pushing ourselves to be something, it’s easy to believe that’s all we are. That our worth is tied to what we achieve. That without it… well, who are we?
But here’s the thing—titles can be taken away. Success can shift. Life throws curveballs. And if our identity is built entirely on what we do, what happens when we can’t do it anymore?
Maybe, just maybe, we chase these accolades not just because we want to achieve great things—but because we’re trying to outrun something else. Maybe it’s a way of covering up old wounds, the moments in life when we felt unseen, unheard, or powerless. Maybe we believe if we collect enough trophies, they’ll drown out the voices from our past that told us we weren’t enough.
There’s a reason so many people feel lost after retirement. Why athletes struggle when they step off the field for the last time. Why someone who’s spent their whole life climbing the corporate ladder suddenly wonders… was it ever really about the ladder at all?
Who You Are vs. What You Do
The truth is, what you do is just one chapter in the book of who you are. And while it’s an important chapter, it’s not the whole story. Your job, your accomplishments, the things you’ve worked hard for—yes, they matter. But they are not the entirety of you. They don’t capture the way you comfort a friend, the way you laugh uncontrollably at a joke, or the way you show kindness to a stranger. Those moments—the ones that aren’t tied to a paycheck or a plaque—are just as much a part of your story.
The truth is, what you do is just one chapter in the book of who you are. And while it’s an important chapter, it’s not the whole story.
Think about the people you love most. Do you love them because of their job title? Because of how many awards they’ve won? Or do you love them for the way they make you feel? For the warmth in their presence, the way they remember the little things, or the way they make an ordinary moment special?
Their value isn’t in their accolades—it’s in who they are when the spotlight is off, when there’s no stage, no audience. That’s the part of them that stays with you. Because of how many awards they’ve won? Or do you love them for the way they make you feel? For how they listen, how they show up, how they love?
And if that’s true for the people you love… isn’t it true for you, too? If others aren’t defined solely by what they do, then why should you be? Why should your sense of worth be attached to something so fleeting when the real essence of who you are has always been in the way you show up, in the love you give, in the simple moments that don’t need recognition?
You are not the sum of your LinkedIn profile. You are not just the highlights of your resume. Those things may help you navigate the world, but they don’t tell the world who you are. While achievements can open doors, they will never define the heart that walks through them. And at the end of the day, when everything else fades, it’s your kindness, your integrity, and your love that leave the greatest impact. You are not just the highlights of your resume. And while those things may open doors, they will never define the heart that walks through them.
A Guided Reflection: Stripping Away the Labels
I want to try something with you. Close your eyes, if you can. And if not, just take a deep breath with me. Imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror.
Now, start peeling off the labels. Take away your job title. Your achievements. Your awards. The things you’re known for. One by one, let them go.
What’s left?
Who is standing there when everything else is stripped away?
Are they kind? Thoughtful? Brave? Gentle? Resilient? Do they love deeply? Do they make people laugh? Do they try their best, even when no one is watching?
That’s who you are. That’s the part of you that lasts.
Finding Purpose Beyond Productivity
We live in a world that tells us our worth is in our productivity. That if we’re not doing, we’re failing. But some of the most meaningful moments in life happen when we’re just being.
Holding a child’s hand on a walk. Sitting across from a friend who needs you. Laughing at a joke so simple and pure it makes your stomach hurt. Watching the sunrise, not because it’s on a checklist, but because something in you just wanted to see it.
None of those moments come with a certificate of achievement. But aren’t they the ones that matter most?
Practicing This Throughout the Week
Throughout this week, try flipping the script on validation. Pay attention to when you find yourself seeking approval through achievements. Instead of measuring success by recognition, shift your perspective to, "I did great because I showed up, I tried, I cared." Let your effort define you more than the outcome.
Another way to practice this is by scheduling time to just be. Take 10 minutes each day to do something that brings you joy but has no measurable achievement—sit with a pet, doodle, take a slow walk. Allow yourself to exist without needing to produce or accomplish anything tangible.
And finally, check in with yourself daily. Ask, "Who am I outside of what I do?" Write down one thing about yourself that has nothing to do with accomplishments—something that makes you you. Focus on the small, quiet moments that bring meaning to your life. Whether it’s a deep conversation, a slow morning coffee, or laughter with a loved one, recognize that these are the moments that define a life well-lived. Instead of saying, "I did great because I got recognized for this," shift to, "I did great because I showed up, I tried, I cared." Let your effort define you more than the outcome.
Bringing It Full Circle
So, back to those Russian nesting dolls. When you strip away all the outer layers—the job, the titles, the achievements—you’re left with something solid, something unbreakable. That smallest doll, the one that can’t be opened, is you. Not your job, not your achievements—just you. And that is more than enough.
So what do you do with this? You start noticing the moments that don’t need validation. The quiet, in-between moments of life. You remind yourself—daily—that while accomplishments are great, they don’t define you. You invest in things that last—relationships, kindness, the moments that truly bring you joy.
Because at the end of the day, that smallest doll—the real you—is the part that remains, no matter what changes around you. And that’s enough.
You are more than this. You always have been.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for living. And until next time, be kind to your mind—and join me again as we Calm It Down.
Summary
Who are we without the titles, trophies, and applause? We spend so much time chasing success, but does it define us?
In this episode, we explore what truly makes us who we are—beyond achievements, beyond expectations. Because in the end, it’s not what we do, but who we are that truly lasts. Let’s find where we really are as we Calm it Down in 3…2…1.
